Where the heck are you?
It feels like this past year, I’ve been looking for you like you’re a needle in a haysack. Am I not looking hard enough? Or socializing enough? Am I blinded by the safe feeling my caps give me?
And, when am I going to meet you? I can’t wait. I’m just so tired of meeting girls and having feelings for them, but they never and will never feel the same way.
I’m tired of failed flings that just keep my hopes up. I don’t want heart breaks and stress anymore.
I’d be so much happier with you in college. We’ll walk around the green campus, eat cheap but tasty food, be affectionate in public. I’d brag about you with my friends because finally I have a love story to share. It really sucks to be alone you know. I blame you though, you took so long to come. (Kidding)
I know God has the perfect time and place for us to meet. I trust in His will. Maybe He wants me to finish college first so I could graduate and give you everything that you want. He also knows that I suck in keeping my acads and lovelife balanced. He keeps on preparing me for you, making me realize the value of appreciation, irrational love, understanding and patience. Man, I’m excited. I feel like I’m training for a great girl.
According to my friends, you are gonna be a lucky girl because of me. (Not bragging). Don’t be shocked if one of them cries when we all meet. I just hope that we do meet.
I just hope that you exist.
Two years ago,
I would see you at the end of the cold hallways of school. No matter how far we were, we would smile at each other until I reach your end.
Then you walk with me without uttering a single word because smiles were more than enough.
Ah, sweet silence.
I loved how your arms are against mine. Suddenly, my heart flutters and the hallways aren’t cold anymore. I felt like we were the only people walking. It was the best kind of silence- comforting.
So many things have changed.
I walk a different hallway. It’s still silent and cold. But there’s no you at the end, there are no smiles, nothing. I can’t do anything about it.
Because no matter what I do, I can never walk the same cold hallways with you.
I fell in love with a Princess.
She’s not a princess of some monarchy or country, but she’s really a princess inside and out. I woke up this morning asking myself if she was the one that got away. She wasn’t my first love nor was she my greatest love because I never really got to freely express my feelings for her. Yet, I’m sure that I loved her genuinely. I just loved her at the wrong time, wrong place, wrong lifetime. She was in the hands of let’s say another prince or a princess (whatever she can be in the hands of whoever she wants), so I never got the chance. She always looked at me like a sister or a friend.
And I guess, we’re really meant to be just friends.
I could never be happier.
After clearing out things, the Princess and I became great friends. I would always have her back and she does have mine too. She’s still happily in the hands of her knight and we are all really close friends for four years now.
I asked myself if I would like to know if the princess liked me even just a little bit or if I’d get the chance in another lifetime.
But you know, I don’t want to know. Knowing the truth wouldn’t really change anything and would definitely sting. If I knew that the Princess liked me, I’d be sad but I wouldn’t do anything about it because the princess is already happy. If I knew that she didn’t like me, I’d still be sad. Sometimes, it’s better to not know the truth and to just stick to what you feel.
I realized that there was no right time and right place for me and the princess because we’re simply not right for each other. I could be the best girlfriend ever but if she’s not the one, things would still fall apart. She wasn’t the one who got away,because she was never the one to begin with.
Despite all the downfalls, I still value the princess, not only like a friend but like the princess that she is. She’s still important to me and I’d be glad to still be her friendly knight in armor.
All group of friends has a DUFF, a designated ugly fat friend, who is not necessarily fat nor ugly. He/She is simply the least attractive person in the group who is usually befriended by people because they like the DUFF’s friend. In short, they are often used.
My seventeen year old self has discovered “The DUFF” just this morning through a 2015 movie (of the same title) by Ari Sandel. The movie is about the adventures of a girl who is apparently the Duff within her girl friend trio. After I watched the movie, I began to realize that I just found out the perfect term for myself, well other than ugly, unattractive, you get the point. It’s like I found the perfect synonym, DUFF.
That’s right I’m the group’s duff. I have a lot of group of friends: one is my college friends, the other one is my high school classmates, but my main group is my old teammates. I’m pretty sure I’m the DUFF within my main peeps. You see, our group is made up of 5 bisexuals and one straight girl. We’re athletes, we have a hint of gay. *winks*. Anyway, my best friend is always the one who gets chased by pretty fangirls and even boys. She’s popular because she’s the team’s ace and of course, the height and looks(?). My other friend is popular because she’s funny and cool. She’s also in a real and awesome relationship with one of my other friends. The last two are not bad looking, which means I’m really the DUFF.
I never had a real relationship. I don’t think anyone ever liked me back or liked me really. I’m kind of a nerd because I’m in the smart-ass section. I’m honestly inconsistent with my basketball skills, not the coolest looking dance enthusiast, not the most fun person to be with and not the best looking within the group. I am a DUFF.
But the more flaws I think of, the more I realize the good things about me. I think about the blessings I have, most importantly the gift of acceptance and happiness. The movie didn’t teach me how to look down on myself because of my flaws. It taught me how to be thankful for what I have instead because that’s what makes me, ME. Even though I realize that my friends are one step ahead of me in looks, humor, and all those other stuff, I would never want to be another person. I want to be the Math-loving, God-fearing, sucker for love ME and no one can be that better than I do.